Tuesday, May 31, 2005

to dream a dream

helloo everybodyy!!!! :) am back.. from my long awaited holiday. perhentian kecil is da bomb... the beach is just simply beautiful. clear blue water... and i mean very very clear. even the feeling of every grain of sand beneath my feet... is just so so so sooooooooooo good. u have to go there whenever u're planning that weekend holiday paradise.

i also turned two tones darker due to the heat of the scorching sun. but it's all good. i also learned a lot. pulau perhentian kecil is a backpacker paradise island. if a resort kind of holiday is what u're looking for then perhaps u should head down to redang island, perhentian besar or even lang tengah island. i myself love resorts holiday and the first sight of this back packer paradis island came to me as a surprise. but in time i was able to fit myself into the whole idea.

i met alot of interesting people over there. travellers, from norway, us, germany, england, and managed to have a chat with some of them. they really are so brave.. quitting their job to travel across the world.. discovering south east asia. most of them say that.. they find malaysia very interesting compared to either indonesia or jakarta. apparently they seem to enjoy the culture over here. they love the weather eventhough its hot and they say that malaysia has some of the most beautiful beaches.. which i truly agree.

the point here is that these people are going of after what they want of in life. they want to travel and they do. sacrificing a lot of things. going through hard times. i dont think its very easy to just quit your job and decide to travel for a year. its easy to stay where i am.. go to work everyday, get some money, live life a bit.. its safe.
playing safe is easy. and its boring. dreams are not made to be easy. and that's why it's called a dream. but dreams can come true.

towards the end of the year last year up till today, things have gone great for me. most of what i dream of came true. and then i realized. have i stopped dreaming? when did that happen. feeling contented with what i have i fall in to my comfort zone. so now i do have new dreams.

making your dreams comes true is the best thing one could yearn for. and that's living life.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

i wear wings and live in trees.

a couple of days ago, a friend gave some sort of a feedback to me. apparently i should wear wings and live in trees. i appeared defensive at first. i mean how dare u say a thing like that to me. it seems to be that i live in some sort of a fairytale life. and that i should change this blog name to -- 'a sort of fairytale'.

but... looking back.. it may seem ridiculous to this person. but personally, it is my intention. perhaps to some people what i go through is a fairy tale. my fairytale and this is what's true for me. i write from my heart. and i get my inspiration from everyone. i am just being me. this is me.

to those of you who dont really know me. believe me, i live a normal life. i work, i have parents who wants perfection, i sometimes have no money, i shop like a woman.. i drive a car like a woman, i fight, i argue, i'm selfish, and i get jealous, at times my self esteem gets low, and at times i become too ambitious. i want to get married and i want to have babies. i like to travel and i have dreams to achieve success, wealth, happiness and everything i can gain for as long as i live. we all do, dont we? nobody wants to live in a rut, nobody wants to be unhappy, and secretly, im sure everyone wishes that money grows on trees.

but this is a side of juliana, that i want to share with the world. this a side of juliana that keeps me going on. this is a side of juliana. one side of juliana. brave, confident, loving and passionate. a promise i make to myself. no matter what this is who i'll always be.

p/s : i'll be away for a week in pulau perhentian. there's so much to love there, the beach especially, white sands, and of course the amazing underwater world.. so.. stay tuned! :)

Monday, May 16, 2005

walk the footsteps of a stranger

the weekend has past.. again.. another new week to look forward to. i had a good weekend altogether. on sunday i worked in the morning til midafternoon then met up with two of my friends that i havent seen for ages. even that i almost passed out on it. but i had them caring enough for me to get myself out of the house for coffee. and we had a great time catching up on each other. we expressed and let go alot of things. being there for each other. its true what nell said, sometimes we work so hard and being so self critical that we seldom take time to let go.. and its easy to take things for granted knowing that one person will always be there.. but what if it's not that way.

i realized that i learn alot from others. its the only way. no amount of reading and soulsearching alone will do any good to me. sitting around wondering and hoping that things will change or happen is never the best way. taken from the song colors of the wind by vanessa williams ' but if you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you learn things you never knew, you never knew ' . ponder upon those words and see if u can find the true meaning. i was driving with a friend a couple months back when he pointed out to me about this. and so i'd like to share it with you.

sharing among each other about experiences is the best thing i know i can do. peeling of the layer that surrounds me. slowly breaking the wall that at times suffocates me. accepting what others have, what others do. what i do, what i have, just as it is.

so now i clearly see, that the very existence of everything i have in my life is for a reason. every bad experience every good experience, every creature, every being, every pain, every joy, is for a reason, perhaps everyone knows that already. feelings are just feelings, emotions are just emotions, success is succes, joy is joy and love is love. friends and the people around me.. the sun the moon, the cat, the ant, the tree, the flower, the earth i walk on, each and everyone of them.. i thank you for all that u are.the best teachers in life :)

colours of the wind - vanessa williams

You think I'm an ignorant savage,
and you've been so many places,
I guess it must be so, but still I cannot see,
How the savage one is me,

How can there be so much that you don't know,
You don't know,
You think you own whatever land you land on,
The Earth is just a dead thing you can claim,

But I know every rock, and tree and creature,
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name,
You think the only people who are people,
Are the people who look and think like you,

But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger,
You learn things you never knew, you never knew,
Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?

Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain?
Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?
Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest,

Come taste the sun-sweet berries of the earth,
Come roll in all the riches all around you,
And for once, never wonder what they're worth,

The rainstorm and the river are my brothers,

The heron and the otter are my friends,
And we are all connected to each other,
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends,

How high does the sycamore grow?
If you cut it down, then you'll never know,
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon,
whether we are white or copper-skinned,

Can you can sing with all the voices of the mountain?
Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?
You can own the Earth and still,
All you'll own is earth until,
You can paint ,with all the colours of the wind..

Friday, May 13, 2005

of whatever things

do you think that my font size is too small? do you have any trouble reading it? hmm.. it kinda looks nice on my screen. but if no one can read it or finds it a bit difficult do tell me and i'll do something a bout it. so how's it been for you? the day the week. its nearly reaching the weekend. some may find it exciting. some may find it boring. its the same to me. well reason being is that i dont work during the weekdays. actually i do, but it's just not the normal 9-5.

i have absolutely no idea what to write about. this whole week i've been feeling a bit empty. its as if something's missing. but what? i wonder why. could it be pms? post menstrual stress? coz its definitely NOT pre menstrual stress this moment. you know, i've never really believed in this pms bullshit. ever since i was young. but of late its been getting to me. or perhaps i want to believe in it. haha why not.. blame it all on the cycle :)

well anyway, its time i pondered upon the beautiful world that i'm living in :) sex abuse, child abuse, rape, murder, animal extinction, pollution, bla bla bla bla bla bla... i could go on and on. but there's also love, ambitions , success, happy cheerful moments, beautiful beaches, exotic sunsets. i get a bit twisted thinking how one side of the world is at its worst moments, and the other side of the world, people are able to live life to the fullest.

so i take a moment to let it all in. syukur alhamdulillah i am at my best. and i hope you are too. there's a long list of complains or not enoughs but it's okay :)

Monday, May 09, 2005

so it is..

Friday, May 06, 2005

what did u do?

have u ever felt so sad in your life.... and u wanted to cry.. but u know for a fact that its not suppose to really matter. has anyone ever unintentionally hurt u but didnt really mean to? what did u do then? did u lash out on them until it hurt them back.. or did u just smile and said it was ok? did u cry your heart out.. or did you just laughed out loud.?

have u ever hurt anyone in your life? have u ever messed things up? have u ever regretted doing the things you did? if u have.. why did u? and what did u do? did u patch things up? did u feel bad about it? did u even care?

sumtimes i find so much faults in others, that i rarely take a step to the side and mirror myself. how did i contribute to everything that happened in my life. was it up to me? its true perhaps, that i am responsible.. for every single event happening in my life.. every one is perhaps?

how can i blame.. though i must have sumtimes.. but how could i..

what did i do ? :)

Thursday, May 05, 2005

in love and in trust

a couple of days ago i went to see tentang dia by rudy soedjarwo . i missed the starting and i wonder how it went. but all in all i enjoyed the movie. there was this twist in the story line.. it was a bit different.. it made me realize what it means to trust and to love. 100 %

loving and trusting 100% is easy. well it's supposed to easy. but sometimes i find it so hard. and i wonder why.. and who suffers from it.. simply myself and those who love me unconditionally. but each day.. i live with it.. and i continue to trust.. to love.. accepting the world as it is.. and i succeed.. little by little i allow myself to experience each moment.. forgetting my past.. not worrying too much bout the future and living out the best in the moment.

but still some barriers will still be there.. i will still hit the wall.. the box.. my box.. until that day.. when i'm strong enough to break it all .... its a process that i'll continue to yearn for.. day by day..
step by step.. and i'll make it as beautiful as can be.. because i believe...

in love.. and in trust..

Monday, May 02, 2005

ramble bamble

i remembered again today.. that i dont listen. or i give the excuse i forget to listen. what crap is that anyway? oh well.. selfish me with thoughts in my head.. i read somewhere.. that there was a reason why we have two ears and one mouth.. im getting into the mood where i think it's okay to just be okay. and i dont like being just okay.

another week to look forward to. whats going on for me. nothing much just the usual haywire of my crazy wacko stylo sometimes boring mundane routine. im in the mood for food. and today it's gotta be pizza. where's the best place to have pizza? id say picolo mondo ... if the cheque just came in... if not.. the ones they sell at hartamas sq is pretty good too! what makes a good pizza? for me.. its gotta be the base, the tomato herb sauce.. and the cheeeeessseee..

i cannot understand why we have tom yam pizza or even assam laksa... i am truly malaysian.. i love tomyam.. although i think that's from thailand rite? ok well i love assam laksa, rendang, curry and all.. but not on my pizza. kudos to pizza companies for wanting to be very malaysian.. but please... not ur pizza's. well im sure for some.. its yummie.. super duper yummie.. but not for me.. ok so it's a free country.. and anyone can do what they want..

but i'll just have pizza the way i always had it. one thing i will not change.. i cannot change.. yup.. i'm boring..

i'd like to have a regular pizza with coke please... oh misss.. would u like to try our tomyam pizza??? its verry verry nice... uhh.... uhh.. it's okay.. im sure it is..