ditch the green eyed monster
It was my daddy who taught me how not to be jealous. Those endless conversations that started off with tears yet ended all fears.
Envy and jealousy can be a deadly sin, a powerful human obsession. In fact it destroys almost all possible relationships when it comes to life in the heart and soul. People who are envious and jealous of one another often never lead a happy life. They become miserable and can never be at peace.
When I was in my early twenties, the feeling of being insecure in this great big world would make me green with envy. I sometimes wished I could be more than I could be when threatened with anything that's better than me. Perhaps this is a slight exaggeration, for I never became angry but always feeling sorry for myself leaving me unsettled with a mountain of pity that i climbed with no one.
Since my life was revolved in finding my true love, at that time, i was often jealous in one area of my life. My relationships.
I remember asking my daddy once when i was very very young ( mind you i was not 16 but perhaps a sweet age of 20 )...
" Abah, Why do I get jealous? "
" Perhaps you are insecure. What makes you jealous? "
" When he looks at other women? Why does he do that? When they are more beautiful, and taller and more more more... "
" So what can you do? Close his eyes? It is a man's nature to look at beautiful women. If you dont like it, take a hankerchief and cover his eyes"
" But I want to be beautiful too!!! "
*end of conversation.
It takes a lot to be confident and secure of how we feel about ourselves. Many people feel jealous and envy for something they are not or cannot be. The truth is we are the way we are. And in relationships, we can never be another person for the person we love, we cannot make people love us, they either do or they dont. If they do , great, and if they dont , they dont. The most important thing we can do is learn to truly love ourselves.
When we start to compete and compare ourselves with another in an unhealthy manner, jealousy might arise but if we believe in the beauty that we each have and keep ourselves unique in everyway, we know that we are one of a kind, irreplaceable and therefore there is no need a reason to be jealous of anything.
This theory probably applies the same in any area of our lives be it in our jobs, our community, our friends.. I feel that It's okay to want to be better, but not when the intention comes from jealousy and you want to be better than another. Worse, if you dont even bother to be better but all you do is try to make another fall, and it most jealous cases this is what happens.
It took me a long time to truly learn and understand the matter.
With the work that I do, I've known many people who fall in this trap. I've heard many stories of how people would stab each other's back just to be where they want to be. And probably not just in the entertainment world, even in the corporate world filled with professional rats. It would be easy for me to be jealous of anyone, but I've always reminded myself that I can never be another but only remain the way I am, improve on certain matters and maintain my authentic self and unique capabilities.
One fine day, I met a wonderful man, a truly wonderful, joyous and happy man . Together we started to share wonderful beautiful moments together despite a 7000 miles distance loving one another.
If i had not learned " HOW NOT TO BE JEALOUS ", if i had not gone through many enriching experiences in my life so i could stay confident and happy and truly learn to love myself, our relationship might not survive not matter how strong the love can be.
Nowadays, just to be sure, I ask my daddy again,
" Daddy, how come, I am not so jealous like before? I love him a lot, more than anyone can ever imagine but some how I am more peaceful, and calm and perhaps not too overly sensitive... but why? How come ? "
to which he replied,
" I think you've grown up "
"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. " - Jennifer James