my reason for living

we grow into this world trying hard to find the meaning of life. while some live in much peace and harmony, some dont even get the opportunity to carve a smile on their face. it is the balance of the universe that i may never be able to understand.

what brings peace into our lives? what brings joy? i only know and ive always known that it is the beauty of love.

i learned throughout my entire journey in life, that i must love. that is my reason for living. we all come into this world for a reason.

have you found your reason for living?

i have and i consider myself very lucky.

when you find your reason for living, your entire world will start to make sense. you will realize, why things fall into places and why they dont, why some things work, and why some dont, you will learn not to blame and not to find faults... you will know that everything happens for a reason, and that is the reason behind every fall or step you make....

when you love, you create a relationship. a relationship with yourself, a relationship with the people around you and all that surrounds you..

and... i learned..

when your relationship works, your life works - sharmini hensen

thank you for this love, for i am truly blessed.

A life lived in love will never be dull- Leo Buscaglia

taking love to greater heights

i received good news from a very good friend of mine today. news as good as this makes me want to blog all about it. a few months back, my friend made some very serious decisions about her life. when we make such serious and important decisions, usually it is because we want to achieve something more, something greater , something that will in the end, make us feel all happy inside.

i was happy for her, for she had found her soul's desire. so even if it meant that she would be 9000 miles away from me, even if it meant that i needed to take a flight of 20 hours just to be with her, i would still be happy for her...after all, i believe that she deserved such happiness.

today i gave her a call to find out when she's leaving.. guess what.. she's not.. i will leave it to her to tell you what her plans are, for im sure she will very soon. my very first question was..." oh, but are you happy ? " she said, "actually.... yes"... i couldnt imagine how she could be happy. i would think that if you didnt get things your way, you would feel slightly disappointed...

i would..
and then she explained.... and i realized something...

my story is about what i learned from my lovely friend.

i learned that you can choose to be happy and that happiness does not solely come from following your own desires.

i learned that even if you truly badly want something, you can control your body mind and soul to also not want it anymore
i learned that with a big heart, you will love not only yourself but much more of others who matters most to you

i learned that life greatest opportunities come in different sizes, packages, colours...

i learned that it is not always about what we want.

we live in a big world, surrounded by people we love and love us back..

sometimes we have to not take what we get, but give what we can....

sometimes we need to be open to ideas and new inventions...

but this is all more easier said than done...

i only know its possible because of my friend ninie ahmad who believes that 'impossible is nothing'

and with a heart that loves ... she really can :)

she goes on and on most times telling the world about this heart of mine. the one that loves hard and much...

all i know is that birds of a feather do flock together and that it takes one to know one (.. and i mean this in a good way ;) ).

may the path you have chosen leads you to the happiness you seek, and the wonders of joy that shakes the earth under your feet.

much heart and love from me.

who do you want standing next to you when all your dreams come true
and that pain you feel... that's life
the confusion and fear
that's there to remind you that somewhere out there
there's something better and that something is worth fighting for
[one tree hill]

Do everything with so much love in your heart that you would never want to do it any other way.
-Yogi Desa

photos courtesy of http://ninieahmad.com

i have dreamed

i was wondering when i would ever have time to write again. for months i have been filled with ideas yet when the moment came , i've been lost for words. so today i decided that it's going to be the day... the day when i will share once again.

i am not trying to gloat neither am i trying to boast, but my life has somewhat become an endless dream. i asked myself many times , how did it ever come to this. it all began with one little step... and that little step was to dream.

to become an actress was a dream i had when i was a child , i never knew that it would ever come true. i worked hard to believe that 'all the world's a stage '.. and while i was at it, i enjoyed every exit and entrance that i had made ..

and one day on my very own fairy like stage, came a charming prince who decided to spend his life time loving me ...
we now live happily with two beautiful princesses in our very own love kingdom.... just like all those fairytales i believed in, my own little fairytale came true to life...


i cannot even begin to explain how happy i have been, and even with much happiness in my life i am only human to understand that with every laughing smile, i too have crying tears... and i learn only at my best when there is a balance of such in life..

for almost two years me and my husband traveled back and forth [ not always at the same time ], 6000 miles apart or even 10000 miles at times, having internet and the blackberry keeping us connected at most times. not forgetting how much we relied on the beautiful moon up above to shine down our love to each other. absence did make the heart grow fonder. despite the distance, our love continued to grow for each other as both of us in our deepest heart made wishes that soon we will be together

some of my friends wonder how i cope with a husband being so far away. id always come up with what i feel is romantic but actually sounds corny or cheesy to say to them... or sweet to most.

his heart is in mine and mine is in his, i carry him in my heart and he carries mine in him.

i kid you not. that is how i think, and that is how i feel for our love. some people will say im naive and i dont care about that. my heart has always made me believe that love and romance come together hand in hand.... maybe that's just what's true for me, and that has always made me very happy.. i have days where i fear of what would disappoint me, but hope takes me to high places, where dreamers often are seen...


my husband tells me, if you ever think of us and our love... just look up to the moon above...
now,you probably wonder what i'd do when the moon hides away...

i turn around and i see Luna.... our very own Luna :)

but that's just a small summary ....

in between our summer holidays we received a surprise...
but that's just another story to tell.

I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams.- Jonas Salk

in the silence i've been living, laughing and loving with all my heart

my space has been silent yes im quite aware...

while i've decided to live my colourful fantasy silently without sharing it to the whole wide world..

whispers and shouts have been going on around..

or so that's what i've heard..

so as a few of those may have wonder what has been happening..

u'll soon find out more..

in time...

it's all due soon enough...

until then...

live a little, laugh a little and always let there be love :)


The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing - Oscar Wilde

the secret of the light that shines

Sometimes people would say to me

you are so lucky

you are so happy

you are very positive

and then sometimes people would say to me

you are so romantic

your life is filled with colours

you are such a dreamer

and there would be some people who questions me as such

how do you get by life

how do you think the way you do

how do you keep yourself happy

and all these makes me wonder, am i really showing all of these examples...

i wasnt born with all these traits, but throughout my living years i have learned that this is who i want to be, and who i can be.

experience and knowledge will form a person's characteristics. what you go through in life makes a difference. in many ways i have been lucky. being lucky does not mean that i was always happy. living through sad days, and learning how to get through it makes you realize the real meaning of happiness. you treasure and you'll care for it more. we all have different experiences in life. some greater than others, and some, to the very worst. yes a bad past can affect the future, but there are choices to be made such that you have a bright future in your hands. what you do today, is the one that matters most, for it creates the energy passed on to tomorrow.

you can buy a degree these days i heard. but you cannot buy knowledge. you can earn your knowledge from all that surrounds you , and it helps most from what you read. i am grateful that my mom had taught me how to read from an early age. i was greatly influenced by the Peter and Jane Ladybird series. from which i learned how to read very fast.

my wild imagination filled with rainbows and colours and delicious ice creams were introduced by none other than Enid Blyton. she taught me the beauty of kindness, magic, fairies and the notion that dreams can come true to the good children. while the naughty ones would stay in bed feeling ill all day, the good ones would go on living their lives joyfully.


i stopped reading for a while, maybe a few years. i felt my soul drying out. i had nothing to live on. it was at that time, i picked up a book that changed my life. a book by Paulo Coelho. It has been known how he's transformed millions of lives, and im proud to be one of them. it is possible that love can brighten your pathway and that the magic of your soul can do wonders.

the list goes on and im proud to share some of the readings that has affected the way i see, live and breathe.

how to be lovely - the audrey hepburn way of life

rules of life

the yoga of love

rumi - the book of love

-------------------------

Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.
This has been my life; I found it worth living.

Bertrand Russell

what you want is what you get

at the end of every year, we tend to look back in the past and wonder if we had made it a good year, count our blessings and begin to make plans for the new year ahead. from before i had always whined and complained that i didnt do enough.. that i could have done more. i counted sorrows instead of blessings. and even if i achieved at least half of my goals, i did not fully embrace my achievements and naturally find faults blaming my surroundings. until about a few years back, did i learn how to accept personal growth in a lighter mode.

year after year i would tell myself, that its okay, if it doesnt happen now, it will at some point in my life, if its meant to be, if its my destiny, it will come to me. in these years of my life, i lived my life. day after day, doing the things i loved most, spending time with the people i loved most, and that made me truly happy.

it is possible to fall into the trap of wanting so much in life, especially when we look at the people around us, when they have what we dont have, and they look happy. in a split second we think, that if we have the same, we'd be happy too. we get lost in that circle trying to achieve all of that, when in the first place, it might not even be what we really want.

what we really want lies in the deepest of our hearts. a few lucky people may recognize this easily and manage to live their lives to the fullest achieving their desires, but the ones that get lost in the circle of life, may struggle to find what they are looking for. for the struggling ones, trust me for i had crossed this path before, if you can clear your mind and your heart, be honest with yourself and accept you for who you are, you will find your answer.

at the beginning of year 2008, i had made a promise to myself, that in this year, i would remain positive at most times if not all, that i would complain less, and embrace the joy of life with a touch of spontaneity, filling it with much passion and love.

and what a year it had been for me.

for the first time, i look back in the past year, with a big smile on my face. that year, was my year. with much love and passion that surrounded me, i could not have asked for more.

so now, i tell myself, what's in for 2009?

me being me, i have my lists and plans...whether it becomes a reality, or merely a fantasy, we really just have to wait and see.

what i learned from the man in my life is that the unexpected joy that comes from what is not in the plan is the ingredient that will add spark and much delight to life. so i realize, that what you can achieve in a day is a reason to smile , and the smile that comes from within the happy soul, is the one that keeps me flying high.


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
~T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"

could this be love

this is my second nephew taufiq aris 5 years old



a conversation we both had months ago that brings much light in my heart...

me : taufiq.. love tu ape.. [ what is love ]

taufiq : mm ... cinta...

me : cinta? cinta tu ape?

taufiq : cinta tu ... is like you and pelle

me : haha.. me and pelle ... what do you mean?

taufiq : like you and pelle [ lah ]

me : are you in love

taufiq : ( shyly ) yes

me : really?? with who?

taufiq : Lim Lit Zee

me : isn't she the girl at your old school.. tapi you kan dah lama tak jumpa dia [ but you've not seen her for so long..]

taufiq : takpe lah.. [ that's okay ]

me : hmmm.. so what do people do when they are in love?

taufiq : they get married

me : oooohh... and then?

taufiq : and then they have a baby [ lah ]



---------------------------------------------

this is my first nephew thaqif aris



i found out recently from a friend about the conversation she had with him.

thaqif : kakak L ... do you like Z

kakak L : yeah...

thaqif : Z .. do you like kakak L

Z : mm... yeah...

thaqif : do you love kakak L

Z : mmm... yes...

thaqif : kakak L.. if you love Z, then u must marry him. then you will be happy like aunty E. aunty E is so happy now with uncle Pelle .

how did i find out about this?


i received an sms from my friend earlier today, a wedding invitation and a thank you note to my nephew for his precious advice that i believe will probably make a great significance in her life.

i was wondering what could my 8 year old nephew say to kakak L

i was down to tears when i heard what my friend had to tell me...

to know that the greatest moments of my life touches the youngest of hearts. to know that the love i have flowing in my soul flows in the innoncence of young children. and to realize that it does make a difference to people, even if only to kakak L .... [ heartiest congratulations to kakak L )


kepada hanis zalikha [ saya ada gambar cool macam ni jugak dengan kawan baik saya )

there's much much more that i am willing to share, as i embark on this neverending journey and as much as i know it makes so much difference in my life, i truly hope it does to all around me .

life begins with love
so spread your wings and fly
guide your spirit safe and sheltered
a thousand dreams that we can still believe

[celine dion]