Tuesday, December 11, 2007

i forgive

This was a book i noticed when i was book shopping early this year. Months later,my sister in law reccomended the book to me, and seeing that i didnt have the paperback, it was given to me as a birthday present. I did not rush to read the first few pages. Something held me back. A few days later i picked up the book and started to read. I lost concentration during the first 5 minutes. I put it back and it lay on my table, on my bed, in my bag. Just about everywhere but in my hands.

Recently, after a conversation with her, she asked me " so have you finished reading the book? " ashamed and embarrased i said, "no". " why not? its so sad, i finished it in 2 days!! "

there was a prick in my heart. was it the fact that i had not been reading the book in the past 3 months or was it because she said it was sad?

i went back home, rushed for the book and started reading.

the kite runner is very descriptive in terms of story telling in a very honest kind of way. brutal honesty i would say. i can be a very impatient reader, which is why i lost my concentration , i gave up on the story... why? too descriptive? or perhaps at that particular time, i did not want to face with reality. reality meaning that sometimes not all things can be all that happy.

i will not tell u the story of the kite runner because u can google it anywhere and read it elsewhere. what i will tell u is what i learned from reading the kite runner. i learn how people sacrifice their lives for the ones they love. I learn how it feels to not have a choice. i see how horrible things are on the other side of the world, where buildings turn to dust and people die on streets. housseini brilliantly tells this story in a way i have never imagined it to be. crying to its very last word, i realize how important it is to forgive. something i learned how to a long time ago, but have forgetten how important it can be.

the word forgiveness seems really big. to forgive and forget, to forget but never forgive, or to forgive but never forget. we must have pondered upon these words at least once in our lives. and to some people , more than once.

people make mistakes, we makes mistakes. sometimes we hurt people, sometimes we get hurt. how often does this process get in the way of us moving forward in our lives.

we sometimes say these phrases out loud..

" i cannot forget what you/he/she/they did to me "

" i will never forgive you/him/her/them "

unless we've had permanent brain damage, or perhaps a serious case of amnesia, it is usually hard to forget...

but in our most strong yet fragile heart of ours, we can find it in our soul to forgive,

the ones who might have hurt us in any way, for it allows the anger to rest in peace so we can move on to a brighter day

sometimes in our hearts, when we lay ourselves to sleep at night we say to ourselves

" will he/she/they forgive me for that i have done? "

but did we ever question this?

" i cannot forgive myself for what i have done ", or " can i forgive myself for what i have done? "

it is when we have a question like this, that we sometimes lie sleepless at night, or that we try so hard in life, to make things right , we push ourselves to the limit, either blaming ourselves or proving it the world that we are okay yet we are never really okay.

it may not be the easiest thing to do, but i've learned, forgiving in its own, is the most humane thing a soul can do, to one's own self, and to another.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong -Mahatma Gandhi