Saturday, May 10, 2008

my mama

i was having dinner with my father across my primary school last night. mummy was not around as she was recovering from an operation in the hospital i looked to my right and saw myself about 20 years ago, running with my school uniform rushing to buy junk food from the lady at the bus stop. i saw myself running and jumping and climbing at the school playground. yes i was an active child, i was never really scared about things, but i remember my mom telling me to stop running so i wouldnt fall down. sit at one corner with your friends while you wait for me, someone might take you away. dont stand on the swing, sit down, you'll break your neck. as a child it doesnt really cross your mind that these things would happen, and if they did, would it really matter? of course it matters but as a child, we never really care. but mummy did.

i listened to my mom but i also let it go from left ear to right ear.. and more of the things i should and should not do as i was growing up. it was her way to ensure that i would not get hurt, that i would not feel pain, and that i would always be okay. apparently getting hurt a
nd feeling pain is not nice and we must not let ourselves into such situations. then i started to get scared of many things. fear was just always in the way. but mummy was always there to say that things will be okay.

so fear never stopped me from doing many things. most times i would hurt myself, most times it would be painful. i couldnt take the pain, but mummy would always be there to wipe my tears kiss my wounds and give me a big hug.

nowadays i look at myself. i feel like i've been through a lot. i have cried for many reasons, and i feel certain challenges have just been too great. having said that, i do feel that my life is far better of than most people, and that tells me enough that i cannot complain at all a
bout how difficult some things really are.

in adversity i strife. yes i still get scared. and when im alone in my room, i still cry. the only difference is that im no longer that 8 year old. i still have my mom but most importantly, i have learned how to tell myself that things will be okay. i wipe my own tears, and i kiss my own wounds.

my mom will turn 62 in June yet she is still young at heart. yes she can be fussy about things, and yes she may be overly sensitive but on the brighter side, she is kind, generous, and probably has the biggest heart in the world. a loving wife, mother and grandmother.

from my mother's teachings, greatest support and forever love, i have learned to become a grown woman and hope to be just as great as she is.

i love you mummy!

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. ~Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895