Tuesday, November 04, 2008

ditch the green eyed monster

green eyed monster : a feeling of anger or unhappiness because somebody you like or love is showing interest in somebody else : jealousy:

It was my daddy who taught me how not to be jealous. Those endless conversations that started off with tears yet ended all fears.

Envy and jealousy can be a deadly sin, a powerful human obsession. In fact it destroys almost all possible relationships when it comes to life in the heart and soul. People who are envious and jealous of one another often never lead a happy life. They become miserable and can never be at peace.

When I was in my early twenties, the feeling of being insec
ure in this great big world would make me green with envy. I sometimes wished I could be more than I could be when threatened with anything that's better than me. Perhaps this is a slight exaggeration, for I never became angry but always feeling sorry for myself leaving me unsettled with a mountain of pity that i climbed with no one.

Since my life was revolved in finding my true love, at that time, i was often jealous in one area of my life. My relationships.

I remember asking my daddy once when i was very very young ( mind you i was not 16 but perhaps a sweet age of 20 )...

" Abah, Why do I get jealous? "

" Perhaps you are insecure. What makes you jealous? "

" When he looks at other women? Why does he do that? When they are more beautiful, and taller and more more more... "

" So what can you do? Close his eyes? It is a man's nature to look at beautiful women. If you dont like it, take a hankerchief and cover his eyes"

" But I want to be beautiful too!!! "

*end of conversation.

It takes a lot to be confident and secure of how we feel about ourselves. Many people feel jealous and envy for something they are not or cannot be. The truth is we are the way we are. And in relationships, we can never be another person for the person we love, we cannot make people love us, they either do or they dont. If they do , great, and if they dont , they dont. The most important thing we can do is learn to truly love ourselves.

When we start to compete and compare ourselves with another in an unhealthy manner, jealousy might arise but if we believe in the beauty that we each have and keep ourselves unique in everyway, we know that we are one of a kind, irreplaceable and therefore there is no need a reason to be jealous of anything.

This theory probably applies the same in any area of our lives be it in our jobs, our community, our friends.. I feel that It's okay to want to be better, but not when the intention comes from jealousy and you want to be better than another. Worse, if you dont even bother to be better but all you do is try to make another fall, and it most jealous cases this is what happens.

It took me a long time to truly learn and understand the matter.

With the work that I do, I've known many people who fall in this trap. I've heard many stories of how people would stab each other's back just to be where they want to be. And probably not just in the entertainment world, even in the corporate world filled with professional rats. It would be easy for me to be jealous of anyone, but I've always reminded myself that I can never be another but only remain the way I am, improve on certain matters and maintain my authentic self and unique capabilities.

One fine day, I met a wonderful man, a truly wonderful, joyous and happy man . Together we started to share wonderful beautiful moments together despite a 7000 miles distance loving one another.

If i had not learned " HOW NOT TO BE JEALOUS ", if i had not gone through many enriching experiences in my life so i could stay confident and happy and truly learn to love myself, our relationship might not survive not matter how strong the love can be.

Nowadays, just to be sure, I ask my daddy again,

" Daddy, how come, I am not so jealous like before? I love him a lot, more than anyone can ever imagine but some how I am more peaceful, and calm and perhaps not too overly sensitive... but why? How come ? "

to which he replied,

" I think you've grown up "

"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. " - Jennifer James


Blogger Feather's Mother said...

Beautifully written my lovely,
as always.

Although if I had to be a green-eyed monster now, it would have to have of my lovely girl who seems to have it all now :). A heart that never seems to envy and stop loving, a wardrobe that's filled with the cutest dresses only she can wear it like that, who has found the love of her life and has learned that relationship is about having faith in your love.

If only I can learn how not to be angry when you are asked to stop something that has made you a better you physically, emotionally and spiritually..

Love you.
Take care.

12:07 PM  
Blogger the Razzler said...

Hi! Julia..

Your post came just at the right time when I am struggling within myself & in a predicament.

After taking some time to think and ponder & ponder .. I have discovered that I have to overcome my own worst enemy .. EGO!!

I learn to count my blessings and to truly accept who I am!!

I am more at peace now!! :) :)

2:36 PM  
Blogger juliana said...

Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening ~ maya angelou

7:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Juliana,

Just like the razzler, your words came just at the right time. I am struggling with my sense of self, I do not like where I am or who I am, I want to be somebody else, somebody more beautiful, more confident, somebody that everybody else respect and admire. I am still struggling. I love your conversation with your dad, and I thank you for putting them up here. I lost my dad to cancer a few years back, and I miss him, and his guidance. He would've said the same exact thing your dad said, and for that, for reliving the wonderful memory of my father, I thank you. Thank you too, for an insightful post about envy and jealousy. I am still working on myself, and I know, like you, I will be able to scale this mountain too !

1:10 AM  
Blogger *cosmic freak* said...

Its a pull and push situation. If you're jealous, meaning you care, if you're not, its as if you don't care at all.

But I think the first like of the quote is so very true. "Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value.". Thats when it affects the insecure ones. For they are initially constantly worried about their existing values, now, to add more to their grief, to think that you won't have value for your other half.

But when you love someone, and that person loves you back, and you have faith in that and trust that person. Jealousy is just another word in the dictionary.

1:10 PM  
Blogger juliana said...

my yoga instructor : have faith in all that you love, insya Allah, all we be okay... i know what you love and what you live for... and i am proud of you in all that you do.. you will stop being angry once you start to accept. but i know, accepting the unaccepted is never an easy task... yet you dont have to accept for the strongest ones often fight for what's right.. and we know you're one strong tiny lady.. hihi just like me? :) you take care too :)

aiza : one day you will learn to fall in love with yourself, and when that day comes, all will be possible :) it may take time, but you make that choice... hugs!

sassy abby : i would be a saint not to have an ounce of jealousy in my body, and a saint i am not... :) it comes visiting now and then... fortunately, i never welcome it with my heart and soul :)

the razzler : moving forward!! its always the best :)

4:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I shouldn't leave comments here because I am -oh-ever-so-low-profile-and-do-not-like-to-be-known..hahaha..but I will say this once again...more than anything else, you did it your way.
Loads of love from us - who are STILL waiting for our Christmas Card this year with a GIGANTIC signature + 2 xxx

8:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

O, beware, my lord, of jealousy!
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on.
"Othello" (3.3.192-4)

J.T. Edwards

7:06 AM  
Blogger kuizikel said...

oh suka baca ni.... keep on writing!

9:24 PM  

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