in this moment..

photo courtesy of marlia yaakub

finding happiness can happen overnight or it will take you years. that's just the way it is. we all have our phases in life. its like a rollercoaster for some , together with its ups and downs , or it could be a breeze yet it all depends on us. life. we make it, and we break it. i've learned that for everything that happens to us, we are the one to be responsible of it.

as a child i was always a happy one. why not, i had almost all that i wanted, everything did go my way. up til my late teens to early twenties life was super breezy, and then, i entered the real world. where i thought nothing was in my control anymore, that people were just out there to hurt me and break me. i learned to become selfish and fight for what i want. sometimes i get, sometimes i dont, and even when i do, i was never happy... well not quite.. i wondered why.

it took me many days, and months, and years to realize that in life, it is not always about what you want, about what you can get, but most often what you can give and what you can do. i learned how to be happy for myself, and for others too. sometimes, in order to see other people be happy, you have to let go , you have to sacrifice. you have to cry and weep, and hope that one day, your turn will come. because for now, it is not your turn... you may not understand, but you will one day... learn not to be selfish and accept that life sometimes doesnt offer you roses and wine all the time and you will find inner peace.

if you get hurt, one way or another, regardless the situation, be patient and strong, for one day, the rain will stop pouring, and the sun will start shining, the rainbow will appear and you'll feel the happiness in your heart, you know this is your time... the one you've been waiting for.

and if there are people out there, trying to hurt you and bring you down, fear not, for as long as you believe in yourself and your loved ones, there is not a thing to be teared apart. you are safe

hurt not another, for it never brings you peace of mind, pray for happiness, for yourself and for another, clean the heart, and the future will be bright of hopes and dreams.

it is not easy , i know, for i've been there before, but i did all that i can, and stayed as strong as i can be, and so here i am... where i wanna be.

We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same - Anne Frank

a heart that writes

for those of you who think you know me, you might believe im into fairytales. for those of you who really know me, you absolutely must know by now that i believe in the notion that dreams do come true.

on my birthday last year, my lovely friend presented me with a thoughtful gift. a precious white leather bound journal. in it she wrote, my lovely julie, happy birthday may your greatest dreams and your wildest fantasy come true. heart, ninie.

you may wonder what is special about this journal. ninie reminded me to write in this journal all of my wishes, my dreams anything and everything.

since i was a child, i loved having journals and i would write all my silly romantic hopes my wildest dreams and imagination only to find out in months, or the next year, that all of my hopes and dreams came crashing down. page by page i would tear, journal by journal, year after year, all trashed into the bin...

now, this journal given by ninie to me, was just too precious to be treated that way. so it stayed on my table, untouched, for fear that one day perhaps it too will end up in the least desired place.. another trash can. when i mentioned this to ninie, she said, oh no..... but you have to write, you have to keep on believing, after all these years, you cannot give up now.

so on new year's day 2008 with the help of my dearest husband, ( then, sweet love ) we filled up the pages of this beautiful journal. i wrote my plans and dreams, hopes and beliefs. in my heart there was a tiny fear, oh dear what if it doesnt work. as if hearing my thoughts, he said, ' u never know what could come up, maybe something you didnt even plan and when you look back next year, you'll see how far you've gone '

so yes, in my thoughts i have many hopes and dreams, when i sleep at night i dream of the impossible dream. but together with this journal, i make believe that i have all that i have, until i really do have it all.

sometimes the mind and the heart gets busy with life. for sure we want to do many things , and we do it all each day, for a dreamer who just sits and dreams will stay just a dreamer, but a dreamer who makes his dreams come true, is more than just a dreamer, in fact id call him a winner :)

and for me, i have an extra tool to help me. my white leather bound journal. regardless any busy schedule, i try to find time to write. sometimes even a line or two.

during a roadshow by KOTEX for young women that i helped facilitate, i reminded the girls to write.. in the morning, at night, anytime, for we learn so much about ourself from our writing. in 2 weeks or in 2 years when we read what we write, we'll either laugh or cry at ourselves and see how we've actually lived our lives and how can we make it better or how have we made it worse!

since it works for me, i thought id share it with you my lovely readers, an old fashion method that might go obselete in time to come.


"The supreme object of life is to live. Few people live. It is true life only to realize one's own perfection, to make one's every dream a reality. " Oscar Wilde