Tuesday, August 12, 2008

living the dance

i do admit that i am an ardent fan of self help books and anything motivational or even inspiring. that includes Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture, of which i had fallen into tears as I reached the end. not so much tears of sadness, but of being greatly inspired, and touched to the very depth of my heart. this entry however is not about Randy. It is about The Dance, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.

a few years ago, i laid my eyes upon this book at our local bookstore MPH. Not knowing who she was, or what the book was about, I picked it up. It could have been the title that had ignite my interest, and so when i flipped through the pages I found myself a beautiful poem that probably were my soul's secret words. its what i've ever wanted and dreamed of, and carefully , it had been written by this powerful woman, who held workshops, inspiring people in achieving their dreams. not only that, oria
h carefully shared her experiences through every excerpt of the poem.

so this poem , it is not my words, but its what i've been feeling . i lived with it, with such high hopes and sincere prayers that I will be able to in the end , live it. it is amazing how, our thoughts become what we can grasp and hold.

i later learned that the invitation had been written, prior to the dance.

the invitation has been accepted, and the call has been answered.. now, i am truly living the dance.

The Dance

I have sent you my invitation,
the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don't jump up and shout, "Yes, this is what I want! Let's do it!"
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.

Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
spiralling down into the ache within the ache.
And I will show you how I reach inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, everyday.

Don't tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are,
And see who I am in the stories I am living.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don't tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly OK with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall,
to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance, the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul's desires have too high a price,
let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs you want our children's children to remember, and I will show you how I struggle
not to change the world, but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging. Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words, holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest
intentions has died away on the wind, dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale of the breath that is breathing us all into being, not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don't say, "Yes!"
Just take my hand and dance with me.

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems, and suffer, and understand, for all that is life - J. Krishnamurti, Indian Philosopher

Monday, August 04, 2008

looking at the brighter side

i was once told by a girl that my blog isnt real. i asked her what she meant and she said, its the way you write. she told me that i make things look and sound so beautiful when actually they are not. this was probably about 2 or 3 years ago, when in reality, things were not so great and it was written in the blog itself. ( for those of you who've been following my blog this was the 'era' where i was just hanging on to hope and all good things in life ) however, i must agree that yes, i do make it all seem rather overly fantasized, but that's just simply my way and ive never given up on the way i write, because i do know that there are simply a handful of people who enjoy the way i feel about things :)

having said that, if you are new to my blog and may not have the time to read my past entries, you may have wondered if everything in here is really too good to be true. well it really is, but it took me quite the journey to be here , my heaven on earth.

to add 'reality' to my highly fantasized life, in the past one month, i have been admitted into the hospital , not once , but twice. the first ,for one week, due to appendicitis, and the second that followed about ten days later, a horrifying kidney infection. this was all physical pain that my body could not deny. yes i have heroic stories in here of how i withstand emotional pain, but physical pain is a real no - no.

so you see, i have my ups and downs, and even though i was there, in the hospital, feeling really sorry for myself and others
(i had missed a dear friend's wedding and still feel terribly bad for this, i was also not able to take my parents in law out and about during their last few days in KL), i couldnt help being just slightly, mischieviously and delightfully happy, for i had some dear friends who came to visit me, bringing me all my favourite food, my mom, who slept with me every night , accompanying my chatters, my parents in law cheering me up , and of course my beloved husband who never failed to call and sms me every single day, sending love and spiritual strength, for he was at that time, thousands of miles away. so despite my miserable health conditions, i was inside a happy one.

we all have our nice days, good days , extremely amazing days, and at times we will not have the strength to walk, or to stop the tears from falling, even the occasional smile seems like the hardest thing to do, but as you always hear them saying, and my friend whose wedding i missed, often reminds me that, we must must must always count our blessings. in the end, it may be all that we need to keep on going, turning a smile, instead of that frown.

"There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other " Douglas H. Everet