stupid wall

what is it with me? why do i go into a shell when i feel so uncomfortable, and why do i even feel so uncomfortable? it all happened at an audition. actually at every audition. i become a crab! and i hate it so much. i have a problem being my self. some people say its pre pro. some people say its camera conscious. what ever it is, i need to bang it in my face that, or in my head that its crap!!!!! i can be who i say i am. i am fun, i am brave, i am confident, i am passionate, i am loving. i think its focus. i dont focus enough. im like floating around in a big space, yet to find her spot. i have to learn to break whatever wall i have in front of me. i so hate that wall. frustrated and devastated i am. sob sob!!!!!!

i really do think too much. and why am i still not over this?? mental masturbation sucks!!!

juliana.. get a grip of urself!!!