Monday, June 27, 2005

picking up the pieces

i grew up with a heart that wanted to love the whole world. it was great.. at times it was very painful.. some other moments i felt numb. at one point in my life. i decided to give up on my heart. i decided to give up on my feelings. i separated my emotions and lived a cold unhappy life. i became selfish, i became the most self centered person anyone could know, i became cold, i was lost, drifiting away in non special moments, and made life miserable for those around me.

but one day.. i decided to pick up the pieces of broken little me. it was tough and difficult. because i had broken myself into very little pieces, i was everywhere. and sometimes i couldnt find the pieces to fit myself back. at times i almost gave up. because it was just too hard. along the way, i was guided to find these broken pieces. there was a lot of people who supported me, who never once, gave up on me no matter what.

and i thought to myself. even others dont give up on me. why am i giving up on myself. why torture my own self ? and then. i had a 180 degrees change of mind. i continued my search. but with a different outlook. i felt excited, i felt eager, looking for these broken pieces became a challenge instead. and the search goes on.. even until today.

and everytime i find a piece of myself, there's a sigh of relief. a beautiful moment that i share and celebrate with everyone around me. sometimes, i blind myself. i pretend not to find that piece. i deny that its my piece. then i think again, why deny me? and so i turn to acceptance, accepting that little piece that perhaps i hate so much. sometimes i blind myself again, and i have people around me, who found my special piece, and i am ever so grateful for such moments in my life.

and then one day. i found all the pieces to my heart. and that was was a moment in my life that i would never ever forget. because of that day.. i am truly blessed. from time to time, my heart will break, again, because this is life, where nothing is perfect, but because of that special day.. i will never ever again.. give up on my heart.

im still looking for my other pieces. i'll look forever, until there's no tomorrow to look for. because... my life is a jigsaw puzzle... a big one.. putting it all together until i breathe my last breathe. and to those around me, i'd like to acknowledge u for being a part of my jigsaw puzzle. i thank u.


Blogger Eka said...

you know something pal?you have such good heart..and you're such a nice person..its nice to know you..keep on going'll found all your pieces one day.. :)

11:51 PM  
Blogger Thoughts said...

Last time i saw you, you looked quite complete ;)

No, seriously, keep on searching and picking up every little thing. Even the bad ones have their purpose. Life wouldn't be complete without.

And everytime you get hurt on your way, this will be the time when you grow (Not physically...I tried it but I am still 169 cm...but your soul) and you get from strength to strength.

Good Luck ;)

4:22 PM  

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