Thursday, January 12, 2006

let go and relax.. u'll do just fine :)

i have a problem with letting go. letting go the moment that has just past by. letting go the fact that i cannot simply know everything. letting go the fact that some things are just not meant for me to know.letting go the fact that im not like anyone else and that my individuality will stand out if i just stick to being me.. its like one moment im going through a situation.. and then.. suddenly its over.. and i simply forget the experience. 5 minutes later i go ... ' i should have done that' or ' what if '

that's not good u see.. well i feel its not. in a relationship.. i doubt myself and others. its like i always have this feeling that.. it might not work out.. he probably doesnt even like me.. what more.. love me.. ohh.. i sound so pathetic. when i go for my auditions .. its even worse.. even before i start saying a word.. i already know im going to be bad.. and while im saying whatever im saying.. things like.. oh shit im saying the wrong things go through my mind.. and when its over.. i go.. shitt... what the hell did i do? and i spend my time in the car.. reciting the words over and over again.. the way my mind says i think i should :P and when i go out.. half the time i worry about the way i look.. there goes my secret :)

its sooo easy for me to tell my self hey relax.. u'll do just fine.. hey relax.. im sure he loves u.. hey relax.. just relax... why is it so hard to be relaxed then?


Blogger Tenno Miyake said...

Just be yourself julie.

Don't care about how you would look. I think people just wanna see the real you!

Anyway, keep on writing, i always keep coming to check whether u've written something or not.

Take care


6:17 PM  
Blogger Kå£îMåñ†Rå said...

i think its perfectly ok to not being able to let go and stuffs. i think its perfectly human. i think you'd perfectly be at ease with things and yourself if you stop using other people and the general society as standards for your behaviour. i think its perfectly ok to be edgy and i think if your surrounded by people like me who thinks it is perfectly ok, i think you'd be perfect enuff..

7:22 AM  
Blogger juliana said...

thank u guys :) i sometimes have this weird annoying habit to be extra perfect at absolutely everything when you're right that its perfectly fine to not be perfectly perfect all the time.. hugss!!

8:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


It's been awhile... I was just surfing the net when I chanced upon your blog. I gave it a read and can't help feeling that I've let you down with regards to a certain project... by now, I'm quite sure you know who I am.

The last time we spoke about it, I was rather abrupt and curt about the reasons behind the cancellation of the project. I think I may have implied that you lacked interest in the project, and I feel quite bad for that because that is not the REAL reason why I cancelled the project. I never quite explained it to you and I believe you should know the TRUTH...

If you are still reading this, I would like to suggest this: a meeting to clear up what I believe is a fine mess I've gotten you into. Let me reassure you that you are not at all at fault for the project's cancellation if I gave you that impression. But I would very much like to see you face to face to really clarify matters, that is, if you don't mind and don't feel awkward about it (I know that I am). But uneasiness aside, I feel that I must at least attempt to make amends for my mistakes to ease my guilty conscience.

However, this is entirely YOUR call. I do understand that sometimes it is best not to risk opening up old wounds, and if you feel that it is not at all necessary for us to discuss the matter further, then I will leave the situation as it stands. My main intention is to let you know that I am the guilty party and that you are absolutely free of blame in this matter. If this is enough for you, then I am content to let bygones be bygones and forget that the matter ever happened.

If you do decide to meet, I would appreciate it if you would give me a call (or SMS) to set up a time and place that is mutually convenient for both of us. I would have called you instead, but I don't have your number anymore. Anyway, my number is 016-3793309.

In any event, I tender my sincerest apologies for having wasted both your time and resources and for giving you false hopes. If you can ever find it in your heart to forgive me, I would be eternally grateful.

Most of all, it has been a rare honour to have met you for I truly believe that you are a gifted actress with a bright future. I meant it when I said you reminded me of Audrey Hepburn's elegant grace, and I still mean it. Whatever happens, please know that I pray for your continued success in the theatre/arts industry. Again, my sincerest apologies...

Yours sincerely,

6:10 AM  

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