Friday, June 16, 2006

time to mend

i cant quite figure what it is. the past few weeks have been quite a down fall. and after those few weeks i decided to make a choice. i decided to pick up my broken pieces, and i tried to join them back together. these broken pieces that i had to pick up were pieces that may have fallen down many many years. such a long period of time that many of these pieces have actually strayed from where it could have been. i havent found it all.. perhaps i never will...

picking them up wasnt really easy. troubled and confused .. i switched to amazed and surprised. from crying to tears, i laughed till i almost couldnt breath anymore. my heavy sigh turned to a loving smile. i truly surrendered and let go of control.

patience. i never had patienced. i dont think so. maybe a little. but most often i always tried to find the easy way out. i hated to lose. and winning the game was a must. and why? perhaps i have too much fear. and getting myself hurt would be the last thing id look forward to. but what if i dont get hurt. id never know now would i?

which reminds me of the time when i experienced my [first moments of first experiences]. as a child.. id get up everytime i fell down.. and id do it all over again.. and fell and get up, all over again and over and over until i became older and over and over till one day i finally fell so hard that getting up was a pain. too much of a pain of a hassle and i just dont bother anymore.

so i pick my pieces and i glue them all back together. but one day they might break apart.. all over again.. but that's okay.. its part and parcel of life :) maybe that's what makes it so interesting and beautiful at the same time.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is an interesting development. The fact that U're able to do all this probably means that U've improved spiritually. There's a cute Humpty-Dumpty, poetic quality to that final line of yours which I really like.

Surrendering and letting go is all part of 'tawakal' according to Islamic belief. This is not as easy as a lot of people would assume it to be, because it involves sometimes the negation of cherished hopes and dreams, or at least its deferment. If U can truly do this, U have my greatest respect.

J.T Edwards

7:09 AM  
Blogger juliana said...

perhaps in my life , i've never tried to really sit back relax and just listen to what the signs of the earth are telling me. its like i want to play God with my own life. thanks also to people like u, my friends, family, and everyone i've ever known in my life, i see a bigger picture and i now try a different approach. insya Allah [if God wills ] i'll finally really find out what im looking for :)

how are u doing jt?

9:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have my moments; my life is always an emotional-spiritual rollercoaster, it's often very turbulent and unpredictable, but I guess it makes it easier for me 2 understand why it's just so hard 2 just... live.

I don't think I'll still be around right now in one piece if it wasn't for Islam. Living in the modern world is often unnecessarily complicated; Islam offers a simple, complete lifestyle for people who desire peace of mind. I'm currently going through a spiritual reformation, so things are a bit tough, but so far still very manageable. Hope you're doing OK with your own spiritual jihad.

J.T. Edwards

8:45 PM  
Blogger Tenno Miyake said...

well said julie,

relax and sit back. enjoy life now. enjoy doing good things and things that you love.

and now we have world cup. watch it.

if we think we have problem, think that other people may have more prblem than us, so it's yet the end of the world.


2:55 AM  

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