Monday, September 26, 2005

so what if....

who's been in a situation where, u consult a friend about something and all they do.. is tell u the negative outcome of the situation. and then u consult another friend and they tell u mostly all of the positive outcome of what's going to happen. and what about u.. when a friend is in trouble.. and they come to you.. what do you do?

mostly when there is a problem or an unsolved matter, or a confused and troubled situation, i jsut loveeeee to turn to the people around me.. never ever wanting to listen to my heart when i know that it always tells me what i really want and it just knows what its supposed to do. it's funny how most times, when im faced with a troubled situation, or im in somthing that will or will not leave me troubled, people will usually tell me to go out the backdoor, instead of actually facing up and creating what i want to create. and sumtimes, i have friends who tell me that.. i should go on with it and see what happens, if i get what i want.. great.. if i dont.. its okay ... it's called taking a risk.

when people come to me, i usually tell them to take a risk. i myself sometimes believe that taking a risk is rather difficult, especially when u're taking a risk with ur self. i mean.. who wants to get hurt, who wants to feel sad, who wants to be dissapointed... no one.. but, when we allow our fear to take over our hearts in making decisions, we are actually losing out. well that's what i feel. nothing comes easy dont u think so?

no pain no gain. i have one life.. only one.. and to have all that i dream of in life... it's gonne be one hell of an exciting journey. rainy days, and bright sunshines... mountains and hills, rivers and the open sea... so what what if i fall.. i'll get up wont i? if im lucky enough, i might have a hand to reach out for. i know u can reach out for mine anytime anyplace.. so what if its painful? there's always painkillers everywhere.. and in different forms too :) and imagine.. what if after all the pain, and all the energy has been taken away.. and u feel like u dont want to live another day.. and then.. the sun comes out.. and u come to this place.. this special place.. that u've dreamed of all ur live... its there.. with all its glory.. its' all that u've ever wanted..

why not?

Friday, September 16, 2005

its him..

I was rather bored and i got myself the Ipod :) i've been eyeing it for so long!! and since it was my birthday recently i decided to give myself a treat. So i've been transferring my songs and this particular song from my Ally Mc Beal soundtrack just seemed so good to me. Sum sort of an inspiration :)

I Know Him By Heart - Vonda Shepard

There's a secret path I follow
To a place no one can find
Where I meet my perfect someone
I've kept hidden in my mind
Where my heart makes my decisions
'Till my dream becomes a vision
And the love I feel
Makes him real someday

Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

Am I living an illusion?
Wanting something I can't see
If I compromise, I'd be living lies
Pretending he's not meant to be
Cause I know my heart's worth saving
And I know that he'll be waiting
So I'll hold on and I'll stay strong 'till then

Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart

No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

Thursday, September 15, 2005

a stepford wife

my mom's on a trip to india for a whole week and i have been given the task to prepare meals for my dad and my elder sister. given the fact that i do not work 9-5 and that i do love to cook, i was quite excited about it all. i love the kitchen .. i really do. but somehow i never really took upon such responsibilities. yes i cook lunch on sunday afternoons, or wednesday nights.. but really.. not every single day for breakfast lunch and dinner. as a child, i had this little idea in my head of getting married, cooking for my husband, sending the kids to school.. ahh.. remember that movie.. the stepford wives? i was ready to be a stepford wife!! :)

and for the past couple of days, i've been juggling time for meetings, shoots, and preparing meals. its not so bad after all.. ah.. lucky enough for me.. there's someone else taking care of the housework so yeah.. its not so bad really. this week has also been one of the weeks where i thought i'd be troubled by some issues happening in my life. but sumhow rather things have been quite smooth sailing. i cannot lie i do think of it at times.. most of the times... but i guess patience, hope, and faith keeps me going on.

can i bitch for a couple of seconds. u see.. i really dont like bitching about how ugly things can be in my life. but sumtimes i feel like i need to get it all out.. out of the system.. empty recycle bin.. trash can.. out out out. believe me.. im all normal.. there are days when i feel like i wish it was the end of the world. but most of the times.. i like to look at the pretty sight and if its not as pretty as i wish it were to be.. id work at making it as pretty as it can be.. sigh.. sigh sigh.... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! and as u can see im not even writing about what im so upset about.. i just wanna scream my heart out that i am upset about sumthing.................................................. :) okay.. i should be fine now :)

anyway :) im starting on a new project next week. will be hosting a travel show where we bring local celebrities back to their hometown as we reminisce on the good old days :) im rather excited about it. will keep u all updated when it airs on tv :)

Sunday, September 11, 2005

just once

i was recently experiencing many high moments in my life. everything was almost too good to be true. i was happy.. i still am somehow rather... yesterday, and today.. am having a break down. i made a mistake. i did something wrong and im feeling really bad. i am a perfectionist. and i try to make sure that everything goes on the way its supposed to be. but somehow rather i let one thing slip off. and i hate this feeling. what do i do, when saying sorry is not enough?

and so i bravely wake up to smell the beauty of this sunday morning. hoping that things will be okay. for i have been given a gift, a flower to cherish in my life and at this moment in my life i want to hold on to it.

i must slap this face of mine to have allowed such a thing to happen. i am now scared and i have no idea what to do. hope is all i have.. if there were no hopes.. yes the heart would die..

Thursday, September 01, 2005

little angels and being chicky

little moments that brighten up a day

1. laughing endlessly of absolutely nothing but looking into each others eyes
2. sweet kisses on the forehead
3. discovering that taking a holiday is the next best thing to do
4. imagine eating ice cream on a hot sunday afternoon
5. going back through the memories
6. capturing moments with that magic box -- camera lah :)
7. trying best to sing a song to the tune of a guitar
8. looking up to the sky in search of mr moon
9. sharing a smile
10. prayers

despite the silliness, and the moments that breaks the heart. one can look forward to many more beautiful thoughts and events that can ease the pain and bring life to life itself. its a tough job.. but if u gotta do it.. then u just gotta do it. life is too short to waste it all on anything that brings sorrow to the soul. the world out there calls upon u... greet each day as if it was ur last.