Monday, August 29, 2005

that song

Teruja - Ella
Produced & Arranged by Anton Morgan
Recorded at Two AM Music Studios
Written by Anton Morgan (Two AM)
Lyrics by Loloq (Luncai Emas) /
Allie Morgan (Two AM)
Mix by Greg Henderson / Nik Lee
Lyrics by Loloq / Allie Morgan

Selepas tangis
Ilham pun mengintai
Melontar kata
Buat aku terfikir

Selepas hujan
Hari nampak berseri
Menggilap cermin hidup
Buat aku sedar

Harus bangkit semula
Sampai hatimu memandangmu (Teruja)
Baru kau tahu tinggi langit
Dicabar cinta (Teruja)

Belaian angin
Bisa jadi ribut
Halus budi wanita
Bisa jadi keras

Bagai gelora
Merubah sempadan
Aku merintis
Dunia baru

Sunday, August 28, 2005

despite the lies, betrayal, deception, bitterness and a broken vow

Everything seems okay.. the waves were splashing just fine.. the ocean breeze seemed perfect, grains of sand on my feet feeling just like its suppose to be. And then.. tsunami hits. Can u imagine what it must feel like? To feel the greatness and wonders of the world and then have it all disappear in a blink of an eye. But like they always say, things happen for a reason.

The past couple of weeks and months were great and not so great. I was blinded by so many beautiful things happening in my life.. Too blind to even notice certain matters in my life that was just not working out. And the worse thing is that I had blamed myself for almost everything. Sleepless nights and the loss of appetite was just killing me. Luckily enough, I had enough love from all around me, friends, family and colleagues to keep me going on. But the one treasure I had depended my life on, failed to keep me going on.

I could not figure it out. I couldn’t find the answer. What was happening over here? It must be me. But really… is it really me? I guess it does not matter anymore. It probably never did in the first place. There was nothing greater better to turn to… but the merciful God, Allah. My only hope, my faith and my love. I found peace within myself. And it never felt better.

And indeed He has never failed to brighten up my life. Despite the rain and thunderstorms, He has given me a gift beyond imagination. And I am truly blessed. I remember the saying, that goes something like this… there is always a rainbow waiting for you after a rainy day. I found my rainbow. And it is ever so beautiful :)

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

stupid wall

what is it with me? why do i go into a shell when i feel so uncomfortable, and why do i even feel so uncomfortable? it all happened at an audition. actually at every audition. i become a crab! and i hate it so much. i have a problem being my self. some people say its pre pro. some people say its camera conscious. what ever it is, i need to bang it in my face that, or in my head that its crap!!!!! i can be who i say i am. i am fun, i am brave, i am confident, i am passionate, i am loving. i think its focus. i dont focus enough. im like floating around in a big space, yet to find her spot. i have to learn to break whatever wall i have in front of me. i so hate that wall. frustrated and devastated i am. sob sob!!!!!!

i really do think too much. and why am i still not over this?? mental masturbation sucks!!!

juliana.. get a grip of urself!!!

Monday, August 08, 2005

what crap art thou?

is it just me, or does everyone feel that they have too little time and loads of stuff on their checklist. haha... i think its time management. i could be doing all the stuff i say i want to do. but no.. i sit down here in front of this black box typing my alphabets morning day and nite.. and i say i dont have enough time... bullshit :)
some of the things i say i want to do..
1. go back to my riding lessons
2. watch a movie
3. finish reading the book i bought 2 weeks a go - the goddess within by georgianna das
4. clean up my room
5. cook a meal
6. .......
wait a minute... is that just it? and how come it seems that there's no time? aaahh.. seee.. when i list it all down, its not so much after all.. its just that when i dont it seems that there's a bazillion things to do. and what have i been doing all this while? lets recapp..
1. work..
3. spending loving time
4. work
5. shopping
6. celebrated a friend's birthday --- ah that was a good one... at la bodega bgsr.
7. went to by some personal needs at klcc
8. bought 2 more books --- Rumi the book of Love, ISLAM and the destiny of MAN
9. thinking of unnecessary nonsense, killing the heart and soul.

i think i need a holiday... faraway... the island is calling for me.. the ocean waves calling out my name....
oh yes.. i miss u too!!

fill in the blanks

i keep forgetting that whenever i dont write. i feel a bit lost. and at this particular time. i am lost. no.. let me correct myself. i was lost. until a friend, a very good friend, reminded me the song of my heart of which the words i had forgotten.

i am a perfectionist. i think i am.. or so i try to be. sometimes i realize, its not too good a thing.. for me.. and for those around me. too many times i believe i have hurt the ones i love, when i crave perfection in every single way.

i claim to be a very supportive lover and friend... the one thing i yearn for is to see the people around me, friends, family, colleagues and my loved one, win in the game of life. happy, successful and living life to its fullest.

in doing so, i sometimes turn into a creature that i myself dislike. i become pushy, demanding, accusing, bitter and indeed robbing one's soul. intentions of being supportive, caring, loving, and trusting dissapears into thin air. the worse thing is that i never even realize that it's what i'm doing to myself.

life is really about simplicity. and this little girl, turns it into one complicated roller coaster.

dont be me... please please please :)

God has bestowed upon me.. so many beautiful wonders in my life, to remind me when i turn into a monster. Love, kills this monster and such is the beauty of love.

im too tired tonite...... good nite..