are u ready, get set... GO!!!

who's got a dream? i know i do. ask our hearts, im sure there's an answer. perhaps many different ones. some are just screaming it's way through. and some, a tiny whisper. pay attention. for how long have we not listened to these answers. yet we continue this life along this winding road, searching for an answer, when all these while, the answers are just deep within. and for most of us, this is a known fact. we've learned, that in the end no matter how far we go, and no matter how high we search , how low we break down and cry, the answers are all inside our soul. we we born with it, and we gained more and more as we experienced life from many different points of view. its so deep inside that we sometimes forget.

and then when we forget. we get lost in the craziness of life. one where we live not the way we want to but the way we think we're supposed to or have to. at times, its not that we forget, its probably that we decided to keep it on the shelf, or in a box, a diary, or anywhere safe, just because, something else was more important, or perhaps we thought that its just a dream. a wishful thinking.

if you can dream it, you can do it. [walt disney]

either way, it matters mostly to us. because this life, for as long as we're on planet earth we own it. we take charge of it. because at any given time and place, it can be taken away from us. so lets live for today, as best as we can, as much as we want to. lets live our dreams, for as long as we want to, as the days passes by, we'll be an inch closer. maybe i believe, that it's our purpose in life. and we can do it. because of many many reasons and most importantly , because we can.

wishing all of you a happy brand new year with lots of love from me.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

a return to love [ marianne williamson]
used in nelson mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech

the arrow struck my heart that bleeds of love

though i like to believe that i breathe, eat, live love everyday, its been awhile that i spoke of it. yes i would have to agree that i inject it into everything that happens in my life, but, the love , the *wikipedia definition of love, is something that i have put to aside just for a little while. and the more conscious i am of putting it aside, the more it comes staring in the face. reminding me , showing me signs that it has to exist. that it has to happen, and its what i sometimes miss.

everywhere i go, i see love. in the book store, at the coffee shop, near the bus stop or even as they're in the car. and its so beautiful. it comes in many different packages. little things i see them do gives a nice warm feeling in my heart. that nice little look he gives her. that gentle touch on the nose. as she pulls him close to her and gives him a kiss on the cheek and a giggle after the i love you. sometimes its just the silence between two people. the comfort of being with the other. my friend and her husband.. i'll call u back... we're at the play ground. that's just so cute. it comes in all shapes and sizes and all different age groups. even the lady at the rojak stall in penang, who spoke so highly of her husband and his rojak sauce and how she wanted me to take his picture instead of hers coz apparently she thinks he looks better than her. and though i told her how i thought she was pretty and very sweet.. she said no. and then i said.. what if i take a picture of you and your husband. she smiled and happily said okay :) and as u can see.. she's peeking so cutely from behind him. it showed me how much she respected him and just her holding on to him was simply what i think is very loving and romantic i mistook her for being in the late thirties when later she told me she was at least 10 years older. must be the love shining in her heart that shines so brightly you can see it in her eyes..

but its the kind of love that i have no words for. its the kind of love that i wont be able to describe.. its the kind of love that is not just a fairytale, it is their fairytale, and one day it will be a fairytale in my little heart.. a fairytale that will come true because i want it to..

*Love is a basic dimension of human experience that is variously conveyed as a sense of tender affection, an intense attraction, the foundation of intimacy and good interpersonal chemistry, willing self-sacrifice on behalf of another, and as an ineffable sense of affinity or connection to nature, other living beings, or even that which is unseen. It manifests itself in feelings, emotion, behavior, thoughts, perception and attitude. It influences, underlies and defines major patterns in interpersonal relationships and self-identification.

will it be what it will be?

i've been told at times that i can be a baby. vulnerable . like a child. naive at times. their point of view. my point of view.. yes its true though that i have a different way of looking at things. i like to believe that the world is nice and sweet despite the fact that it does seem like its crumbling down. i like to believe that until proven guilty , one is innocent [okay im talking about normal day street people and not those behind bars]. i also like to believe that what will be will be.

it stresss me alot if i have to figure it out otherwise, if i have to be too careful wether or not someone is lying to me, or trying to hurt me, or having ulterior motives. im not saying that it doesnt cross my mind at all. it does.. its just when i believe it, its clearly a waste of my happy time.i make a choice to believe that if they do.. then they do. if they dont... wow.. id probably be having the time of my life.

the keyword here is trust. it is not easy to trust. especially if one has been hurt before. but i've learned that trust comes with trusting. and that it is the most important ingredient in any relationship. mother, father, child, lover , friends, workmates. there are no guarantees. but it saves us from a lot of negative energy that will definitely just bring us down. well thats what i feel and i truly believe in.

isnt it obvious that we sometimes dont trust.. because we dont want to get hurt. so what if being hurt is a choice that we can make? can we choose to be hurt and not trust again? can we choose to be hurt , then make another choice to move on, start over , and trust. yes there will be times when it can seem so cruel, but it cant be that the world is just so against us. can u imagine what things would be like.. if we trust. if we just trust. and if we dont.. can we be honest about it?

[ trust allows you to give. giving is abundant. trust allows the experience of bliss. bliss is awakefulness. trust allows you to laugh. laugh at the richness, the beauty and the playfulness of the universe. apply consciousness to this process and all roads will lead to home ] gary zukav

love cures

an extra arm to lend a helping hand. my shoulder for you to cry on. my beating heart, to you i love, my smile to brighten up your day, my tears in which i'll share your sorrows. my pennies, for your thoughts. the little things we do in life, to support the ones we love, the ones we care about and the ones who needs it most. even the ones we often just let go.

support.

we even have a machine for that in hospitals... so that one can live for just a lil bit longer. when all else fails.

having said that.. it makes one not weak, if asked for support. in fact, it builds up strength. but then, sometimes, we dont ask for it. it seems as if we expect the people in our lives to always be there for us, never having to ask for what we know would make a difference.. maybe we didnt know.

for some time now, my father has been unwell.. not terribly ill . just age catching up. it doesnt make things any better that his youngest daughter worries him all the time she's not at home, be it at work or pleasure. even worse when the sun sets in the evening, and she's still not to be seen at times.

coming from his point of view.. he cares and he truly loves.. and i do believe him.. there were times when i wouldnt know what to to do.. i just knew that everytime something felt wrong.. id want to get him to the doctor, and for many many times he said.. no i dont have to go.. i just need to rest..

and for many many times.. i just left the room and let him rest.

but one night.. i tried to make a difference. it didnt seem that resting helped that much. so i slipped in next to him.. and we had a conversation which lead to some laughs and heartfelt moments. later , my mother joined in and together we shared even more. and on that night filled with love, my dad could then rest very well...

so every now and then i know.. he wants to feel good, he wants to feel loved.. maybe that's all he's ever wanted. and all this while i thought.. he needs to rest.. i should let him rest.

and perhaps this is what we all want.. that tiny bit of us.. just waiting to be loved.. and it is those and i know there are those...who gives selflessly that never asks to be loved... they just give and give.. and patiently wait.

i have had times in my life, faced with such challenges and in those critical moments.. it was a delight, to have had such familiar faces, warm loving hearts, who made it possible for me to go on. to climb another mountain, to sail across oceans.. to fly high in the sky...

[appreciation is the highest form of prayer, for it acknowledges the presence of good wherever you shine the light of your thankful thoughts. energy is more powerful than action. as you recognize that you already own the wholeness you seek, and no one outside you can give you more than you already are.stay open to recognize the hand of love when it reaches to bless you.] -unknown