Wednesday, June 28, 2006

hips dont lie

love is much needed in the world. children are dying , mothers being killed , fathers being tortured and all of those who suffer in pain. and there's more to say to this. however, it just doesn't seem right for me to not have an entry on the 'most important' event happening in town and all over the world too. especially when my niece and nephews aged between 3-7 are talking about it. a conversation i overheard from the next table where they were having their fish and chips. " i like england " " i like brazil " " i like costa rica " and small little taufiq aged 3 who knew nothing about what they were all talking about but merely wanted to join in the conversation mentioned " i like london " [ and only because he went on a trip to big city london recently ]

yes. im talking about the game where 22 people chase after a ball on a big green field with thousands of people cheering for them. no.. i have nothing against football. i do not detest the whole idea of it. i am not angry if men forget the women by their side for a football game. and neither do i think its silly that these sometimes gorgeous looking men chase after a ball. [BUT] im not a fan, i dont watch a single game unless someone else is watching or the big screen tv at the mamak shop 'happens' to have it on. and i DO NOT unsubscribe the results from maxis which never fails to wake me up EVERY morning. which nicely allows me to know the score and therefore not appear too dumb when finally someone i meet does speak about it. however, i do envy dzof who is now in germany watching all the games yet finds time to send me a postcard of fruits from one of the museums he visited. [updated enty 30/06/06 - not just any fruits but claude monet's pears and grapes :: kunsthalle, hamburg, germany :: ]

so yeah. i get excited that the WORLD CUP is here, and i'd wear a tshirt to support a team or even paint my face. the thought of che
ering for a team would bring me much delight. many years passed by, i still dont have a team. i probably never will.

unlike those little children, at the next table, filled with enthusiasm up to the maximum level, stand by their teams which from england, brazil and costa rica earlier , had moved on to saudi arabia, south korea and germany, and for taufiq who from london, now, chooses singapore [ his first trip on an airplane was to singapore -- he's very much proud of it ]

p/s :sing along to the tune of shakira's world cup hit!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

and let there be love

some people have said i am a romantic at heart. most often before i'd shudder at the thought instead of gleaming with delight. and it made me wonder why i was shy at being called a romantic then. but now when i think of it.. a smile appear on my lips.

sometimes i talk too much of this word called love. i can spell it. but ask me what it means.. 10000 blogs would not be enough. i breathe love. i seek love. and its funny that i so often want to be able to give it so freely away. to that child who sells kerepek at the mamak shop, the cat on the floor who wants my tulang ikan on my plate, the flower in my garden that's blooming like crazy, my family who breathes down my neck, my dearest friends who sometimes can say the darndest thing just to pull me down from living in cloud nine [believe me .. i need people like this in life or id go crashing in clouds and fall down with a big thud!] or those like angels sent from heaven above kissing me with love endlessly without fail, and just about everybody else i know or do not know some how some way or another.

seeing love and feeling it in the lives of the people i know, or do not know, is a great blessing to me. it touches the core of my heart.

because why? because all of this... it's just such a feel good feeling and i cannot imagine living without. of course there were days when i had stopped trying to understand it all... and when i thought it truly dissappeared from inside me, i became hollow and empty.. so i guess my statement would be.. i cannot imagine living without it ever again.

[its sometimes hard to love and not expect to be loved in return] that im still learning in chapter 21[ julie's lil book of love]!

simple things in life that's free

the rainbow after that rainy day
falling autumm leaves [inspired by movies-- msia got no autumm maaaa!!]
snowflakes on ur nose [as described in novels]
sunshine rays
moon and stars
chirping birds
flowers and trees
holding hands
warm hugs
first kiss of the day

no i havent found what im looking for... but perhaps now i believe im always a day closer .. :)

p/s : to the one that wishes to remain anonymous :) , this entry is dedicated to you and your significant other. may you live a life filled with love, and may that vase be filled with many many more flowers as the day passes by and years to come.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

The Art of Losing [Elizabeth Bishop]

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! My last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

–Even losing you [the joking voice, a gesture
I love
] I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

Friday, June 16, 2006

time to mend

i cant quite figure what it is. the past few weeks have been quite a down fall. and after those few weeks i decided to make a choice. i decided to pick up my broken pieces, and i tried to join them back together. these broken pieces that i had to pick up were pieces that may have fallen down many many years. such a long period of time that many of these pieces have actually strayed from where it could have been. i havent found it all.. perhaps i never will...

picking them up wasnt really easy. troubled and confused .. i switched to amazed and surprised. from crying to tears, i laughed till i almost couldnt breath anymore. my heavy sigh turned to a loving smile. i truly surrendered and let go of control.

patience. i never had patienced. i dont think so. maybe a little. but most often i always tried to find the easy way out. i hated to lose. and winning the game was a must. and why? perhaps i have too much fear. and getting myself hurt would be the last thing id look forward to. but what if i dont get hurt. id never know now would i?

which reminds me of the time when i experienced my [first moments of first experiences]. as a child.. id get up everytime i fell down.. and id do it all over again.. and fell and get up, all over again and over and over until i became older and over and over till one day i finally fell so hard that getting up was a pain. too much of a pain of a hassle and i just dont bother anymore.

so i pick my pieces and i glue them all back together. but one day they might break apart.. all over again.. but that's okay.. its part and parcel of life :) maybe that's what makes it so interesting and beautiful at the same time.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

jom minum

[zig ziglar - kids go where there is excitement. they stay where there is love]

i had a 4 day shoot upnorth for a new breakfast show on rtm. we shot 2 episodes and i have a feeling as we finish shoot, im gonna put on more pounds. not that its a bad thing :) the first was in tapah, local restaurant that goes by the name capati corner. and let me tell you.. it serves the softest capati i've ever had in my entire life. its really really good. and its easy to find as well. as u exit towards tapah from the north south expressway, you will reach a t junction and u make a left. u go on straight until u see a sign board that says lata kinjang. just before that junction, capati corner will be on the left hand side of the road. delicious capati with chicken masala, lamb masala, and many other scrumptious dishes!!! :)

the next day we headed towards kuala kangsar. this was a different style of breakfast all tog
ether. in kuala kangsar, i experienced the english breakfast. the only kopitiam in kuala kangsar serving an english menu i think. kat kopitiam. yup... kat kopitiam. founded by the kat family. kat nicole , kat li cheen and kat daniel. daniel's the chef. daniel shared an interesting story... he worked for a few years in ipoh and penang before going to singapore where he was working with [the oriental] as a chef. he saved up and took a working holiday visa to travel in the uk and europe. later his sister li cheen came to join him. he gained enough experience to come home and started up his own business.

i had said to him that i've been thinking to take up the holiday working visa, a tough choice between new zealand, australia or the uk. although i have the visa for new zealand already. and [might] be leaving late this year :) and just like many others whom i've shared this little secret, he too said i should go if i wanted to.

its funny how we want so many things in life yet we sometimes say.. oh i want to but... [ then comes a million and one excuses ] well not all of us, maybe a handful, but i sometimes fall into that big trap as well.

so i guess its time to take that big step and like [j.t.] said, [everyday is a step towards reaching your goal]. and in my context my goal would be all that i say i want :)

and what i want... well that's another story altogether :)

ps : kat kopitiam serves the tastiest roti bakar. it made me go mmmmm va va voom!

[ leo buscaglia - only when we give joyfully, without hesitation or thought of gain can we truly know what love means ]

Sunday, June 04, 2006


last night out with friends was such a good thing for me. we had fun, talked and laughed alot. and i bought dvds. a movie [ me and you and everyone we know] and the first season of [grey's anatomy]

watching [mayaewk] with my dad in the same room wasnt all that easy. i found it very intriguing. i loved the lines, and thought the script was funny, yet meaning ful. my dad thought it was filled with erotic crazy people who didnt know what to do in life. which i thought was rather funny too. and i said.. its art [abah] :)

although yesterday and days before was what i claimed empty. i decided today to make a choice and erase my memories of emptiness with a wet cloth. you know if a blackboard is dirty and all u wanna to is take the duster and wipe it off. but i hate dusting the blackboard. and in school i was too short to wipe the top off. and i had to pull a chair. and that would make my navy blue pinafore dirty with chalk. that's because i was rather clumsy. wiping my hands on my clothes. and i hate dust.

bic runga's - dust

Blades of grass
That shiver as I pass
The world's asleep but I'm awake
I'm walking home home again
Morning stars
Left my shoes back at the bar
Didn't know my house was quite so far,
So far from anywhere

Strange how the ground
Seems up-side down
And morning - it starts without me
Did I let you down?
Should I come around?
Would that make things better baby?

You and I
We get along just fine
But oh, we both want to be right
It's just not possible

Change your mind
Or maybe I'll change mine
But either way we won't arrive
At something plausible

I'll see you 'round
When you're in town
And you can pretend to hate me
All trace of love
Has turned to dust
Which I've been collecting lately

Saturday, June 03, 2006

maybe its yoga

this entry is being created with the yoga instructor in mind. [update your blog i miss u] -was what she said in a recent sms. it seems unfair that i had just left this space blank for a very long time. or what seemed like a very long time which had passed by so quickly. the reason for the empty space was because, i simply didnt know what to write. to say i had done nothing for the past 3 weeks was a lie. but i had felt so empty inside. but today its time to get up.. and fill it up ..

sick for 3 weeks - loss of voice, fatigue, cold, flu, sore throat
[now getting much better with all that honey lemon and tea]

went for holiday - simply delightful, a memorable experience, blessed

work - chicky hour, realiti and perhaps a new contract for a new show which will be informed once everything is in black and white.

family - all in good health

friends - super duper SUPER!!! [lunch tea and dinner wouldnt be as super without all you super you]

and for all the above in my life.. i honestly shouldnt be complaining about anything at all. i ask myself if i want someting more, or perhaps something less. the answer's not there. but something's missing.. im quite sure i know what it is... or maybe i need yoga?